Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Toto, I've a feeling we're not in the SF Bay Area anymore.....

Mostly, I spend my days on the usual treadmill that most mommies do..... 3 meals, unloading the dishwasher, moving laundry from stage to stage, moving children from activity to activity.

But every now and then, I have one of those days where I realize that I am WAY MORE than 1,780 miles from my old home in the San Francisco Bay Area.

Today was one of those days.

I spent the better part of today returning to "the scene of the crime" so that I could pay a visit to Bucky the lazy-eyed deer butcher in his double-wide and pick up Aidan's deer carcass.

This is where the magic happens that transforms an animal into food.

This is where I stopped for lunch.
Yummy BBQ. Location: The Middle Of NoWhere, USA. Seriously - the BBQ joint and the gas station were the only two buildings for miles. I was the only person in there either not wearing flannel, or not wearing an ID tag on a lanyard that said "Prairie Correctional Facility."

And THIS is the smiling face of my boy who was proud and happy about supplying his family with the most delicious food!

How was your day?

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

%$@* Elf

I am going to steal an idea that I got from another mommy volunteering at the school today....

THEIR elf hung the children's underwear all over their Christmas tree.

Heh heh heh....

We'll just SEE how well Bridget likes having an elf NOW, won't we?

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Tooth Fairy

Many years ago, before my 2nd born even HAD teeth, I bought 2 Tooth Fairy Kits. One pink set, one blue. They came with a little packet of fairy dust, a velveteen drawstring bag and a stack of notes from the tooth fairy.

Both my kids, Aidan especially, have been "late bloomers" in the tooth loss department. He was the only kid in the 2nd grade with all his baby teeth.

He STILL has a lot of teeth left to lose. I don't know how many. Does anyone out there know how many teeth kids lose? Do I lose Good Mommy points for not knowing this?

In the Tooth Fairy Kit, every note is a bit different. They all say how proud the Fairy is for their bravery in the face of tooth loss, how beautiful and well-cared for that particular tooth is, and what the fairy is going to do with the tooth. Some notes allude to the fact that this was an especially hard tooth to lose, or perhaps took a long time. There is always a reminder to continue to practice good dental hygeine.

When the first Fairy started visiting our house, she signed all the notes "Moonbeam." Then, one weekend we were camping in Yosemite and Bridget lost a tooth (do I get Good Mommy points for remembering to pack the Tooth Fairy Kit on vacation?), and so that note was signed "Awahnee." Teeth were also lost in Costa Rica, though I don't recall what Fairy signed the note, but foreign currency was left. When we moved to Texas, the notes started being signed by "Buck Tooth" and more recently, just plain "Buck."

Anyway.... Aidan has lost 2 teeth this past week. I think his mouth is getting sick and tired of those baby teeth squatters and is going to start evicting them in rapid order.

I dug out the Tooth Fairy notes from their top-secret hiding place, and there are only two notes left.

Note #1 was left under his pillow with the required monetary compensation and I liberally sprinkled Fairy Dust all over Aidan. After all, only one visit to go, I might as well not skimp on the Fairy Dust.

Aidan showers every morning before school, so the Fairy Dust shouldn't be a problem. Except that it sort of gets all over everything, and he'd just die, DIE, D-I-E I tell you, if he had to go to Big Bad Middle School with Fairy Dust twinkling from among his clothing and hair. He complained.

So, when the 2nd tooth came out, I kinda rushed through the Tooth Fairy ritual. No Fairy Dust and I didn't sign the note "Buck" like usual. I didn't even look at the note. Besides, I still had to hide the $%&* elf.

Aidan stomps down the stairs in the morning and thrusts the note under my nose. "Look at this!" he demands. I take the note and hold it farther from my 45-yr old eyes, scanning it quickly just to make sure I didn't accidentally put the Tooth Fairy Kit Instructions under his pillow or some other gross error.

"How nice! A note from the Tooth Fairy!" I say.

"Read that!" he points to the 2nd paragraph."This diamond will have a special place in my tiara, the other fairies have chosen me to be Queen of the Fairy Ball" the note says.

"That doesn't sound like BUCK!" he proclaims.

"Um.... it must not have been? See, son, there's no signature. Must've been a substitute Fairy? I think that maybe this is your last visit from the Tooth Fairy anyway, what do you think?"

He just fixes me with that middle-school steely glare that says "Whatever."

Fairies. &%$# Elves. Bunnies. Fat men is furry red suits.


Wednesday, December 10, 2008

#$%& Elf

Well, it hasn't been as bad as I've feared.

Bridget hasn't felt gypped or anything that her elf doesn't toilet paper our house or make big messes around the place in the middle of the night. Apparently, she's OK with the fact that he is a NICE elf. All he does is re-appear each morning is some silly place, and she has to find him.

She DID wonder why he doesn't get mischevious.... I simply said "Look around this place! He obviously thinks that about TEN elves have been here already, messing things up!" Seriously... I mean, if he DID make a mess, how would I tell it from the general mess?

And, at least I know where to find him each night. Tucked safely in his little bed, right by Bridget's bed.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

$%&* Elf

Elf on the Shelf

Bridget has been wanting an "elf," just like all her buddies. As you also may know, I was utterly clueless as to what this elf is/does. So, I called some other mommies, they enlightened me.

Bridget has wanted an elf SO BAD. She has written to Santa politely requesting and elf. She has made a BED for him. She has BIG PLANS to show the elf the wonders of Her World.

I searched high and low for ANY $%&* elf that could take up residence in our home and do mischief. You'd think I could find a $%&# elf.

There are shelves full of santas. Shelves full of angels. Shelves full of snowmen. But no $&%$ elves.

Paula clued me in and steered me towards Celebrations. I stomped in there and grumpily demanded "Do you have a $%&$ elf?" The ladies laughed knowingly and said yes, they still had a few $%&# elves left and presented me with a box.

OMIGAWSH. How lucky was I???? And actual "Elf on the Shelf" boxed set. I never expected such a find this late in the game. I was fully prepared to wing it with any old elf I could find. But I only have a few years of this wonderful innocence left, and was glad to shell out THIRTY DOLLARS for the $%&# elf.

I snuck it in the house. Ray and I discussed and strategized how to deploy the $%&# elf. He magically turned up while we were decorating the Christmas tree with the kids.

Bridget excitedly sat down and read the BOOK. I mean, how LUCKY was I to get a BOOK?

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE BOOK SAYS????? You are not to TOUCH the elf! Bridget immediately dissolved into a sobbing puddle of tears, such was her disappointment at being unable to touch the $%&# elf. She LOVES the #$%&@ elf! She wants to CARRY the $%&# elf! She wants to SLEEP WITH the $%@& elf!

Crying! Huges sobs, giant tears! While we are supposed to be the Happy Family decorating the tree!

%^&# elf.

Sigh. And so.... another letter was duly dispatched to Santa. Could Bridget PLEASE touch the $&^&* elf? Hold it? Hug it? Sleep with it? Santa quickly replied, holding and hugging is OK, no co-sleeping, as it will interfere with the %^&# elf's ability to return to the North Pole each night. And also it's ability, by the way, to wreak havoc on my home and KEEP UP WITH ALL THE OTHER $%&$ ELVES in the creativity and magnitude of it's mischief.

$%&% elf.

Merry $%&# Christmas.

#$&% elf.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Texas Tourists

Betcha didn't know that longhorn cattle lack top front teeth!
Every now and then, when we can string a few days together, we try to see a little bit more of this state we now call home.

Over the Thanksgiving holiday, we headed west. About 2 hours away, to a guest ranch called the Wildcatter. Near the little town of Graham. It couldn't have been a better getaway. The views were stunning and there was so much to do. Check the photos!

Me and my handsome hubby!

Bridgie fishing from a canoe (paddle power by Mama). That is Aidan and Ray in the background.

Ray and the kids fishing

Aidan got his first doe!

More fishing photos - isn't it pretty?

Skeet shooting. Now that's what I call fun!

Bridget and her new friend, General. She got to ride him twice.

Heading back to the barn after a ride up to the top of the bluffs (the photo from up there will most likely be the Christmas card, so no preview!)

The ranch's longhorn herd

Bridgie feeding the longhorns. They're like big puppies!

Learning that I really, really, suck at archery. Gimme a gun, anyday!

The boys, fishing on the Brazos River.